She pretends
by Wingsfan
Summary: Post New Order. Jack watches Sam.


Disclaimer: All the characters are not mine, so don't sue.  
  
Author's note: If same sex relationship or the scenario where Sam is not with Jack offends or disturbs you in any way, read another story.

* * *

I know she's hurting. Doesn't take a genius or even a full bird Colonel to notice it. I've seen it in her eyes before. She pretends that it isn't there, that it isn't the truth, but merely a reflection of the past.   
  
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if I could have eased the pain and the sorrow she keeps inside. She thinks that if she doesn't talk about it or show it, we will all think that she is fine. But she isn't.   
  
Ever since the Doc died, everything seems to have fallen apart in her life. The only constant is the team, yet as we accept our promotion, we will no longer be what we used to be. It is our catharsis. I have no doubt in my mind that she will be a good leader, yet it came at a time when there wasn't much to rejoice about.  
  
Casualties of war are common, but none of us expected Fraiser to be on the list. She did no harm, remaining true to her oath, taking it to the grave. I'm sure she would have said that she had no regrets but if she were to have seen Carter these past few weeks, I'm sure she would have sang a different tune.  
  
I have no doubt that the Doc did not know how Carter really felt about her. I've seen the way she looked at the Doc when she thought nobody was watching. She pretends that it doesn't hurt to know that none of her relationships have worked out. That it doesn't hurt to know that she can never have the one thing that she has craved for all her life: Unconditional love.   
  
She pretends that she is happy with that Pete guy, always putting a smile on her face on the rare occasion that we ask about him. I have never had a good impression of him, from the first time we met, when he barged in on us trying to rescue Daniel from Osiris, to the party celebrating our promotion tonight. She pretends that she is having a good time here, laughing with that Pete clinging to her like someone's about to snatch her away. Well I'll be damned if someone doesn't.  
  
What she sees in him, I really don't know. What I do know is that I am in no position to comment about her relationships. Early on, we both decided that a relationship would never work out between us. Air Force regulations aside, we would just drive each other up the wall. I'm Comedy Central while she's Discovery Channel. I'm Bart while she's Lisa.  
  
I've been watching her closely since she showed up for the party. There aren't many people here that enjoy Pete's company, I can tell. Both Daniel and Teal'c have been nothing but friendly to him, but it's easy to see that it is forced politeness. Even Dr. Weir seems to be bored with him. Maybe I should go save the good doctor from Boredom himself. His jokes are even worse than Dr. Weir's kitchen sink joke. I see Daniel saving her. Well, no one should have to endure bad jokes, especially not when I'm around.  
  
Half of the people in this room are in love with Carter, the other half are in awe of her. To the rest of the world, she seems to have the perfect life. To SG-1, she is living a double life. I wonder where she finds the strength to put up that facade of hers every day. Must be hell of a weight to put down at night. If she ever does it anyway.   
  
He makes her smile, but he doesn't make her happy. No, the people that could make her happy are either dead or in a galaxy far away. I really wish that Jacob could have made it today. Then maybe he could talk some sense into her, tell her that she doesn't have to settle for second best, that just because she lost the love of her life doesn't mean she has to settle for the runner-up. Someone like her deserves only the best and nothing else.   
  
I hear her laughter, but I don't feel her happiness. The angel that I have come to know is no longer with us anymore. No, this isn't the same Samantha Carter. The Sam Carter that I knew would never hurt Cassandra, yet she has barely spoken to the girl tonight or the past few weeks for that matter. Cassandra doesn't say it, but it's easy to see that she doesn't like Pete. Well Cassie, join the rest of the Mountain, not to mention one or two NID agents, an Air Force officer at the Pentagon and a whole lot of aliens. I bet even Thor has a soft spot for Carter.  
  
Sometimes it hurts to know that there isn't a thing in the world that I can do to take away the pain in her eyes. Unless I can revive Fraiser and her mom, nothing I can do will ever take away the hollow in her heart. We all lost a friend the day Fraiser died, but Carter? She lost hope. Hope that no matter how tangled up the galaxy is, her family, namely Fraiser and Cassandra, would always be her constant. They were her anchor, the ones that kept her on the ground.  
  
All that is left to the anchor is the chain, and the chain is slowly slipping from her grasp. Cassandra is growing up so fast, she is no longer the little girl we found on Hanka anymore. Fraiser did a great job raising her, with Carter's help no less. Ever since the Doc died, SG-1 has been busy running around trying to save the world that we seemed to have forgotten about Cassandra.   
  
She is so similar to Carter that sometimes I wonder if Cassandra is her own flesh and blood. The poor kid guards her feelings almost as fiercely as Carter does. None of us can even begin to imagine the insurmountable loss that she had gone through. But like Carter, she pretends that she is coping well. Her only answer has been the universal teenager shrug and a brief smile, yet the sorrow and despair is evident in her eyes.  
  
Looks like Detective Pete's leaving without Carter. A case, or something like that. I didn't bother to pay attention. My attention was on Cassandra. Her face lit up when she saw him leave without Carter. This might be a good time to let the two of them to have some time alone.  
  
Carter and Cassandra are leaving with Daniel. He's going to drop them off at her place. I see that Carter's eyes are watery. I can tell when she's crying, because when she does, the whole world weeps.


End file.
